my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
