you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
