Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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