Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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