took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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