guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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