I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
