You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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