So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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