you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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