Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
