I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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