I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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