no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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