Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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