I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
