so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
