I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
