I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
