we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk is not a location!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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