Im at strip club and am horny
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
