i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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