I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
