Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
