im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
