he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Randomize
