A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
