i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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