I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
