Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
