I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
