If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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