Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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