I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
