Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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