Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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