I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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