so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
