A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
