You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
