My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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