every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Randomize
