my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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