They should really pass out barf bags in church
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
