Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
