I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
