I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
