put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
