FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
