Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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