There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
