Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
