'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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