I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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